I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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