is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
