Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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