The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
