if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
