so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
