And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
