i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
