i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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