Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
