Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
