May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
