Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
