What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
