i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
