he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
