if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
