I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
