YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You left your phone here
Wait...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
