all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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