no, he came in my armpit
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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