I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
