Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
