actually, I'm a sock model
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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