the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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