I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
