She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
