I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
