when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
