i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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