my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Text me some of your sweat
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