Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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