Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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