I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
