Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
