I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
