Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
