why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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