he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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