so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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