I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
