I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
