Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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