the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
