note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
