At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
