Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
