He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
