Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
