Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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