I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
