I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
