What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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