I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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