You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize