Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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