are you still at the devil's house?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
