just tell him i said nine months
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
