Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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