Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize