I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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