Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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