Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
