There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
