I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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