just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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