You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
