Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I still have a little drunk in my system
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
