Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
