I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
