People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
